I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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