happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
