I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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