He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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