we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
