he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
