My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
