3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
