We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
