she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
