this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
