Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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