somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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