I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
