..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm passing your future prison.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
