its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drake has all the answers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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