why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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