I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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