Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
