just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
