I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
