Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
