Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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