I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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