I met the friendliest cop last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
