omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
