a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
