i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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