You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
