I faked an abortion last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
