i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the day after is always just damage control
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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