dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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