Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
