he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
