About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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