My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
