hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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