you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
