OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
