You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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