If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
