This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
