Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
soo... how was my night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
