i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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