tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
