ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
