I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
