ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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