My underwear smells like fireworks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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