Already got asked if we're dating
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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