i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
