You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
