just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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