this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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