My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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