This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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