i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
