I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
