We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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