You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
