So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
