I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
