I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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