Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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