I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
