Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
