i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
