Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
