counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
