woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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