I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
