i would punch a child for taco bell
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize