in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I CAN MOONWALK!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
