Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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