you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
