Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize