Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
