My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
