I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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