omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
