Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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