and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
