I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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