Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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