Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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