I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
