OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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