but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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