Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina is officially offended.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize