and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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