I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
