a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize