You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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