I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
