Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
