I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm really busy with my period
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