There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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