and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
