I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's the barista slut.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
