I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
