i already hear my dad disowning me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
