i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
