Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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