you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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