I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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