I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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