Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
