You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
