Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
