a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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