carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
