alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
