You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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