in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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