It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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