new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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