I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
