Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
