All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Randomize
