id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
