Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ok first of all what the fuck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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